Reassurance.

I most definitely am an independent person. I prefer to make my own choices on my own time and in my own way. I've been this way my whole life, much to my mother's dismay, but even I, Miss Independent, needs a little reassurance sometimes. Especially on the biggest decisions. This weekend, I got some major reassurance.

I've changed my major three times. I've attended three different colleges, one of them twice. I've had a tough road finding what I'm meant to do for the rest of my life. Since I've been taking education classes, I've really felt like teaching was the place to be. I've said it before and I'll say it a million times. I love being in the classroom. But this weekend, Hunter, Gage, Allie, Beverly and I went to the Adventure Science Center here in Nashville. I really wanted to go more than anyone. I mean, hello, it's SO FUN! But while we were there, I found myself going into full on teacher mode! I used questions to evoke critical thinking. I shared my knowledge in a way that was fun but meaningful. I taught a nice little lesson about the solar system! AND THEY LOVED IT! Seriously, it's the best reassurance that I've ever experienced. I knew in that moment that I was definitely making the right choice by pursuing a career in education. Maybe it was a little trigger, but it meant so, so much.

My Little Astronauts!

How to be a 20-Something

I found this article and I feel an odd connection to it. So many truths here and wanted to share.

How to be a 20-Something

By RYAN O'CONNELL

Be really attractive. Your acne is gone, your face has matured without having wrinkles and everything on your body is lifted naturally. Eat bagels seven days a week, binge-drink and do drugs: you’ll still look like a babe. When you turn thirty, it’ll become a different story but that’s, like, not for a really long time.

Reestablish a relationship with your parents. You don’t live with them anymore (hopefully) so start to appreciate them as human beings with thoughts, flaws and feelings rather than soulless life ruiners who won’t let you borrow their car.

Go from eating delicious food at your parents’ house to eating Ragu tomato sauce over Barilla noodles. Develop an eating disorder to save money.

Move into an apartment on the corner of Overpriced and Dangerous. Sleep on a bare mattress with an Ikea comforter. Your mother talks to you about buying a top sheet and a duvet cover but feel like you’re not mature enough to own something called “duvet.”

“Date people who you know you’ll never be able to love.”
Read the New York Times piece, “What Is It About 20-Somethings?” Feel exposed and humiliated. Share it on your Facebook with the caption: “Um….” Your friends will comment “Too real” and that will be the end of that.

Work at a coffee shop but feel hopeful about your career in advertising, writing, whatever. Remember that you’re young and that the world is your oyster. Everything is possible, you still have so much to see and hear. You went to a good school and did good things. Figure if you’re not going to be successful, who the hell is?

Date people who you know you'll never be able to love. See someone for three months for no other reason than because it’s winter and you want to keep warm by holding another body. Date a Republican just so you can say you dated a Republican.

Eventually all these nobodies will make you crave a somebody. Have a real relationship with someone. Go on vacations together, exchange house keys, cry in their arms after a demoralizing day at work. Think about marrying them and maybe even get engaged. Regardless of the outcome, feel proud of yourself for being able to love someone in a healthy way.

Start your twenties with a lot of friends and leave with a few good ones. What happened? People faded away into their careers and relationships. Fights were had and never resolved. Shit happens.

Think of yourself at twenty and hanging out with people who didn’t mean a thing to you. Think about writing papers, about being promiscuous, about trying new things. Think of yourself now and your face looking different and your body feeling different and how everything is just different.

Form the habits that will stick with you forever. Drink your coffee with two sugars and skim milk every morning. Buy a magazine every Friday. Enjoy spending money on candles, smoke pot on Saturdays, watch the television before bed.

Move into a bigger apartment on the corner of Mature and Gentrification and finally buy a duvet cover. Limit your drug-use. If you find yourself unable to do so, start to wonder if you have a problem.

Have your parents come to your place for Christmas. Set the table, make the ham, wear a sophisticated outfit, This will all mean so much at the time.

Think about having children when you stop acting like a child. This may not ever happen.

Maybe this is assuming too much. Maybe this is generalizing. Maybe society uses age as an unrealistic marker for growth. Maybe. Still feel the anxiety on your 30th birthday and think to yourself, “Oh shit, I’m no longer a 20-something.”

It's Amazing.

It's amazing to me how much you can love a child. Anyone that knows me very well, knows my apprehension with children. I've grown to know that it's not that I don't like children as a whole. I don't like kids that I don't know and I certainly don't like kids that don't know how to behave. So pretty much, if I know you and your kid and you're ok with me making sure he or she stays in line, then we'll be fine. Well, fine for a little while. My patience with children (read: anything other than crafts) is limited. If I'm well rested and don't have other things going on or to worry about, then me and your child can have fun 'til we drop! But if I need a nap, or have something else to work on...not so much. I don't know how to balance hanging out with a kid and getting on with my life all at the same time.

Whoa. Ramble much?

At any rate, my point here is that I never believed I would love a child quite like I love my nephew and two little cousins. I feel bad for saying this, because I love my sister Abby so, so much. But I was 14 when she was born. And let's be real, I was not at my most mature, therefore my capacity to love anyone other than myself was limited. But with the boys now, I would do anything for them. I think I can honestly say I would risk my life for them. To me, that's a pretty big deal. Like HUGE.

This might seem odd to just bring up. But Dalton's Mommy asked me to keep him tonight, which I was beyond delighted to do, and there's just really nothing like sharing popcorn and a movie with a little guy that thinks you're the coolest aunt around. Or getting big neck squeezes for no real reason. It makes me question if my heart is as cold to children as I once believed it was.

Now, for all your trouble, I'll leave you with these cuties!

Note to Self:

Don't watch The Notebook on day four of Operation Single and Happy.

That is all.

This Year.

At this time of year, so many people write out hopes and dreams or resolutions about the progress they are going to make in the year to come. And often times, these resolutions are quickly thrown out the window. I have fallen victim to this tradition too and have decided to do something about it. This year, I resolve to be happy with myself just the way I am.

I'm single. As single as they come in fact. I haven't been on a date in AGES. It's something that I struggle with accepting. The social norm, especially at my age and in my geographic location, is to be attached. To have someone to have those warm fuzzy feelings about. I'm not and I don't feel warm nor fuzzy. It's something that bothers me. Not because I feel unfulfilled, because that's not true at all. I just want to be like everyone else I guess. But the truth of the matter is, I'm not like everyone else. I am single and I can be happy with or without some guy in my life. And this year, that's what I'm gonna do.

I'm an (almost) 24 year old full-time college student that lives at home with my grandparents. Because of the choices I've made throughout my life, I'm a little behind most people my age. Most of my friends have graduated college and are getting real jobs, getting married or buying houses and moving out on their own and on with their lives. I chose a different route years ago. I'm so lucky to have the opportunity to focus solely on school right now and to have a supportive family that gives me a place to stay and the things I need to succeed now even though its a little late. Instead of dwelling on the place that I'm not at, I'm gonna be happy with just where I am in life.

I am who I am. I shouldn't have to change for anyone else or for myself. If I choose to change, it will be on my own accord and to truly better myself. Not for some cookie cutter that I'm supposed to fit in. 2011 will be a happy, healthy time for me even if it kills me :)


Happy New Year!