The scheduling of this holiday season has been on my mind a lot lately. You see, last year, I had a whirlwind Christmas with many places to visit. It's like a festival more than a holiday really. Lots of places to go and people to see. But with all the changes that have happened in my family in the past couple of months and with my friends' families throughout the year, this Christmas is gonna be a lot different. Not nearly as many places to go. Not as many people to see. And while I should be relieved because I'm usually worn out by the end of it, I can't help but to be a little sad.
I don't adapt well to change. And recently nothing but different has been thrown at me. I'm trying my hardest to go with the flow, and I think I'm doing a pretty good job if I do say so myself. But it's just hard. To think about the holidays--a time that should be nothing but happy--and feel sad. This is something that I've got to come to terms with. There's nothing that will make it magically be back to "normal"-This is the new normal.
Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas time and am looking forward to having some quality time with those that I will spend it with this year. It's just hard.
12.17.2010
12.15.2010
A Year in Review
As the year draws to a close, I've been thinking back about that's happened in what seems like the shortest year ever. So I thought I should catalog it all. Here goes:
Boyfriends Lost: 1
Concerts Rescheduled: 1
Jobs Lost: 1
Colleges Started (again): 1
Holidays Spent Alone: All of them
Firemen Lusted After: 1 in real life, many on Rescue Me
Hearts Broken: 1 and a half
Spring Breaks: 1 but it was fun enough to last a lifetime
Boat Boyfriends Found: 1
Friends Made: Too Many to Count
Awesome Birthday Parties Thrown: 1, My Own!
Showers Thrown: 3
Best Friends Weddings: 2
Hours of Class Taken: 42
Vacations with Family: 1
Bachelorette Parties Attended: 2
Trips to Knoxville: Not completely sure, but a lot.
Football Games Attended: Again, not completely sure, but a lot.
Sweet Kisses from Nephew: Not enough!
Cousin Meetings: 10+
Hours Spent on the Phone with Nicole: Plenty
Tears Cried: Too Many
Disappointments: Too Many
Advice Received: Not enough
Speeches Given and Cried Through: 2
Weight Gained: 10 lbs
Weight Lost: 9.9 lbs
Floods Lived Through: 1
Cities Fallen in Love With: 2
Cocktails Had: One too many
Bouquets Caught: 2
Fun Time with Hunter and Gage: Lots!
Puppies Loved: All of them
Blessings Received: More than I deserve.
Thanks to everyone that has made my year great.
Boyfriends Lost: 1
Concerts Rescheduled: 1
Jobs Lost: 1
Colleges Started (again): 1
Holidays Spent Alone: All of them
Firemen Lusted After: 1 in real life, many on Rescue Me
Hearts Broken: 1 and a half
Spring Breaks: 1 but it was fun enough to last a lifetime
Boat Boyfriends Found: 1
Friends Made: Too Many to Count
Awesome Birthday Parties Thrown: 1, My Own!
Showers Thrown: 3
Best Friends Weddings: 2
Hours of Class Taken: 42
Vacations with Family: 1
Bachelorette Parties Attended: 2
Trips to Knoxville: Not completely sure, but a lot.
Football Games Attended: Again, not completely sure, but a lot.
Sweet Kisses from Nephew: Not enough!
Cousin Meetings: 10+
Hours Spent on the Phone with Nicole: Plenty
Tears Cried: Too Many
Disappointments: Too Many
Advice Received: Not enough
Speeches Given and Cried Through: 2
Weight Gained: 10 lbs
Weight Lost: 9.9 lbs
Floods Lived Through: 1
Cities Fallen in Love With: 2
Cocktails Had: One too many
Bouquets Caught: 2
Fun Time with Hunter and Gage: Lots!
Puppies Loved: All of them
Blessings Received: More than I deserve.
Thanks to everyone that has made my year great.
11.21.2010
Today Is the Day.
Sometimes you get to a point in your life you never hoped to see. Sometimes people make choices with no regard to the consequences they will face and will have a lack of regard for the impact those choices make on everyone else. I feel like most everyone has come into contact with all of these things. I am no different. I am no better because I'm sure I've been on the sending side of these transgressions at some time or another as well as the receiving side. I, however, hope that I have learned a lesson from my mistakes and can grow from them here and now.
Perfection is what I strive for. It's conflicting, though, because I know no one will ever be perfect. It's hard for me to not hold people to a high standard because of my passion for perfection. I try to consider that I nor anyone else will ever be perfect. We are all just human and will make mistakes most everyday of our lives whether they be big or small. I get that. What I don't get though, is how we as humans can be faced with evidence of our mistakes and deny to ourselves and to others that they are, in fact, very much a mistake. Again, I know I'm guilty, but I'm frustrated by it.
I've said many times before that I'm not a maternal person. I don't think that I have the mom gene. But lately, I have given myself some credit. I've seen lots of examples lately of the right choices I've made with others in mind. Those others are children that can't make choices like these for themselves. I'm proud of myself for the growth in that area and also that maybe I'm a little bit closer to the perfection that I strive for.
As I started this post, sometimes you get to a place in your life that you never thought you'd be in. Sometimes you have to walk away from that place. It's not easy. It's not pleasant. But it's the right thing to do. Sometimes you've got to walk away. Today is that day.
Perfection is what I strive for. It's conflicting, though, because I know no one will ever be perfect. It's hard for me to not hold people to a high standard because of my passion for perfection. I try to consider that I nor anyone else will ever be perfect. We are all just human and will make mistakes most everyday of our lives whether they be big or small. I get that. What I don't get though, is how we as humans can be faced with evidence of our mistakes and deny to ourselves and to others that they are, in fact, very much a mistake. Again, I know I'm guilty, but I'm frustrated by it.
I've said many times before that I'm not a maternal person. I don't think that I have the mom gene. But lately, I have given myself some credit. I've seen lots of examples lately of the right choices I've made with others in mind. Those others are children that can't make choices like these for themselves. I'm proud of myself for the growth in that area and also that maybe I'm a little bit closer to the perfection that I strive for.
As I started this post, sometimes you get to a place in your life that you never thought you'd be in. Sometimes you have to walk away from that place. It's not easy. It's not pleasant. But it's the right thing to do. Sometimes you've got to walk away. Today is that day.
11.18.2010
Christmas List!
I love Christmas. And I REALLY love making a Christmas List! We always make them at my grandma's house on Thanksgiving but I can never think of what to put on it when I'm on the spot. So here are some things I'd like this year and links to where you can buy them! Some might think this is rude. I, however, think it's considerate. Shopping at the click of a button my friends!
Charms for my Pandora Bracelet
Hangin' Out Wristlet in Night and Day
The History of Mathematics: An Introduction
Ok I know that seems weird, but college books are expensive!
Exceptional Children: An Introduction to Special Education
And again, I know. These are my most expensive books for the semester!
Old Navy Women's The Sweetheart Boot-Cut Jeans Size 12Tall in a dark wash
Really, I like most any pant from Old Navy. The key is the rise- The Sweetheart. Love it. And TALL!
Old Navy Women's Perfect Khakis 12Tall in Rawhide
Glee Albums
Donkey Kong Country Returns (Nintendo Wii)
Women's Mossimo Supply Co. Kamisse Cuffed Slouch Boots - Grey Size 9.5
Kodak EasyShare C183 14MP Digital Camera Bundle Includes 2AA Rechargeable Batteries, Wall Charger, and Neoprene Case, 3x Zoom, 3" LCD, One Button Upload in Red
Ok, I think that's probably enough. As we all know, I like cardigans, anything red, Coach Bags, Raybans, shoes, Alabama. You all know the general things. Hope this list makes everyone's life much easier :)
Charms for my Pandora Bracelet
Hangin' Out Wristlet in Night and Day
The History of Mathematics: An Introduction
Ok I know that seems weird, but college books are expensive!Exceptional Children: An Introduction to Special Education
And again, I know. These are my most expensive books for the semester!Old Navy Women's The Sweetheart Boot-Cut Jeans Size 12Tall in a dark wash
Really, I like most any pant from Old Navy. The key is the rise- The Sweetheart. Love it. And TALL!Old Navy Women's Perfect Khakis 12Tall in Rawhide
Glee Albums
Donkey Kong Country Returns (Nintendo Wii)
Women's Mossimo Supply Co. Kamisse Cuffed Slouch Boots - Grey Size 9.5
Kodak EasyShare C183 14MP Digital Camera Bundle Includes 2AA Rechargeable Batteries, Wall Charger, and Neoprene Case, 3x Zoom, 3" LCD, One Button Upload in Red
Ok, I think that's probably enough. As we all know, I like cardigans, anything red, Coach Bags, Raybans, shoes, Alabama. You all know the general things. Hope this list makes everyone's life much easier :)
11.17.2010
Can't Choose Just ONE!
My sweet not so baby nephew is almost 2! I can't believe it. Seems like yesterday I was jumping out of my chair and racing to the hospital. So since he's almost a big boy now, I figured it was time to update his picture on my blog. Lucky for me, his mommy just took him for a little 2 year old photo shoot with the great people at Portrait Innovations. They've always done his pictures and have never failed to please. As I looked through them, I fell more and more in love with his precious little face. So naturally, I couldn't decide on just ONE! So here are some of my favs... Enjoy! 
Future Football Star!
Such a cutie right!? Love him to death. Happy Birthday Pumpkin Pie!!
Future Football Star!
Such a cutie right!? Love him to death. Happy Birthday Pumpkin Pie!!
11.14.2010
Bittersweet.
This weekend brought on an end and a beginning in the lives of two of my cousins. Yesterday was Treavor's last high school football game. While he didn't get to play because of an unfortunate injury, it was still pretty hard for me to accept that it was really over. We all know of my partial feelings for Treavor. And football has been one of our greatest common interests. I've enjoyed watching him play ball for over ten years and to know that I probably will never see him play again is a little rough...
But luckily, the end of his football career came directly at the beginning of Whitley's time with dance. I danced for many years long ago and was really excited when Whitley decided to join the dance team at school. Today was her first competition, and it was SO FUN! Brought me back to my olden days of dance recitals complete with sponge rollers and crazy makeup. Her team did AWESOME! They won first place AND were grand champions in the school team division. So proud of her and so excited to have something to hopefully bond a little more with her over.
Not a great video, but you get the idea. They were great!
But luckily, the end of his football career came directly at the beginning of Whitley's time with dance. I danced for many years long ago and was really excited when Whitley decided to join the dance team at school. Today was her first competition, and it was SO FUN! Brought me back to my olden days of dance recitals complete with sponge rollers and crazy makeup. Her team did AWESOME! They won first place AND were grand champions in the school team division. So proud of her and so excited to have something to hopefully bond a little more with her over.
Not a great video, but you get the idea. They were great!
11.08.2010
Best of the Blog
In hopes of renewing my writing spirit, I went through to find my fav posts. Hope you like re-reading them as much as I have!
High/Low/High 1.0
New Plan? No Plan!
Day 1. Your Best Friend
Shane
Kids. Kids! Kids?
Day 23. Last Person You Kissed
Day 7. Your Ex
Ok, so there were quite a few. Sorry!
High/Low/High 1.0
New Plan? No Plan!
Day 1. Your Best Friend
Shane
Kids. Kids! Kids?
Day 23. Last Person You Kissed
Day 7. Your Ex
Ok, so there were quite a few. Sorry!
The Lost Voice
I've started blog post after blog post in the past few weeks. And I couldn't think of anything to say. I'm not trying to call my little ole blog real "writing", but the only way I can explain this is old fashioned writer's block. I've been super busy, and even more stressed out. So I guess a loss of words is to be expected. Luckily, my life is settling down and I've actually had some time to myself to read and reflect and do some things that I want to do. During this me time, I started reading Eat Pray Love and felt a real connection to Elizabeth Gilbert's story. Here's a particular quote that I felt drawn to.
In the story, Liz is referring to a (or any really) relationship with a man. How she gets completely wrapped up in him. While I may not have a man to invest in, I do have lots of other people that have this same effect on me. My family, my friends, anyone that I meet that I think needs help. I'm a giver, much like Liz, but to a fault. I say that because I often times forget what I want, or what I need, or what I should be doing because I'm worried about/obsessed with/more concerned about what everyone else wants, needs, or should be doing.
I feel an extreme amount of guilt when I do something for myself. I feel like I have some many amazing people that help me out, and support me. And to do something just for me that might put them out or upset them is something I have a really hard time doing. That is for sure not normal and certainly not healthy. I'm trying to grow and to teach myself that it's ok to do something just because I want to. I'm not talking about buying a fancy bag or expensive makeup, cause we ALL know I have that down pat. But important things like moving to another state or city, and living my life the way I want to live it-not just in the cookie cutter way that everyone else around me does. Liz had a serious breakdown and divorce in order to come to the realization that she has to do things for herself. Hopefully, I can avoid that, at least that's what I'm gonna try.
So my goal now is to learn to say no. To become happy with myself, just the way I am. And to wait for the day that I can wake up and know I get to do exactly what I want today.
"If I love you, you can have everything. You can have my time, my devotion, my ass, my money, my family, my dog, my dog's money, my dog's time-everything. If I love you, I will carry for you all your pain, I will assume for you all your debts (in every definition of the word), I will protect you from your own insecurity, I will project upon you all sorts of good qualities that you have never actually cultivated in yourself and I will buy Christmas presents for your entire family. I will give you the sun and the rain, and if they are not available, I will give you a sun check and a rain check. I will give you all this and more, until I get so exhausted and depleted that the only way I can recover my energy is by becoming infatuated with someone else."
From Eat Pray Love
In the story, Liz is referring to a (or any really) relationship with a man. How she gets completely wrapped up in him. While I may not have a man to invest in, I do have lots of other people that have this same effect on me. My family, my friends, anyone that I meet that I think needs help. I'm a giver, much like Liz, but to a fault. I say that because I often times forget what I want, or what I need, or what I should be doing because I'm worried about/obsessed with/more concerned about what everyone else wants, needs, or should be doing.
I feel an extreme amount of guilt when I do something for myself. I feel like I have some many amazing people that help me out, and support me. And to do something just for me that might put them out or upset them is something I have a really hard time doing. That is for sure not normal and certainly not healthy. I'm trying to grow and to teach myself that it's ok to do something just because I want to. I'm not talking about buying a fancy bag or expensive makeup, cause we ALL know I have that down pat. But important things like moving to another state or city, and living my life the way I want to live it-not just in the cookie cutter way that everyone else around me does. Liz had a serious breakdown and divorce in order to come to the realization that she has to do things for herself. Hopefully, I can avoid that, at least that's what I'm gonna try.
So my goal now is to learn to say no. To become happy with myself, just the way I am. And to wait for the day that I can wake up and know I get to do exactly what I want today.
10.07.2010
Precious, Precious, Precious. Full-Force, Full-Force, Full-Force.
WEDDING! AHH!
Wow. I cannot believe that W-Day is really this close. Seems like yesterday I was blowing Barrett's phone up waiting (impatiently) for him to JUST DO IT! Now we are about two weeks away from the BIG BIG DAY! The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of showers. His family, mine, couples, her family. Whew. Lots of presents for Nicole and Barrett, lots of present writing down and bow coordinating for me!
This week is another exciting one. Yesterday afternoon, I picked up some missing odds and ends for my biggest responsibility-THE BACHELORETTE PARTY! I had what I will call a day of debauchery, visiting several stores that I would normally not frequent... Today, I'm shopping with fellow bridesmaid Charli and preparing food and, um, other things, for the party Saturday. Tomorrow, I'll be heading out to West End to attend a dress fitting-YAY!
How cute will we be in these tanks?!
Then Saturday is MY big day! Since Nicole asked me to be the MOH, I have felt compelled to give her the most amazing and fun "last fling" she could ever imagine. I'm trying not to hype it up too much in my mind so it doesn't have such high expectations to live up to, but seriously. That's really hard not to do! Aside from it being Nicole's last night out as a free woman, it will also be the first time the Fab Five (Nicole, Julie, Jessie, Charli, and myself) have all been together in a REAAAAAALY long time. So how can that not be epic?!? I won't divulge the plans, just in case we get a little crazy HA, but I will tell you that we will be painting the town pink!
I've said it before and I will say it again, I am so honored to be a part of Nicole's special day and all the events leading up to it. She has gone out of her way to include me and to welcome me to any and all events, big or small. Her family has been so kind to me and accepting. I just can't tell you how important that is to me.
15 days and counting!!
Wow. I cannot believe that W-Day is really this close. Seems like yesterday I was blowing Barrett's phone up waiting (impatiently) for him to JUST DO IT! Now we are about two weeks away from the BIG BIG DAY! The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of showers. His family, mine, couples, her family. Whew. Lots of presents for Nicole and Barrett, lots of present writing down and bow coordinating for me!
This week is another exciting one. Yesterday afternoon, I picked up some missing odds and ends for my biggest responsibility-THE BACHELORETTE PARTY! I had what I will call a day of debauchery, visiting several stores that I would normally not frequent... Today, I'm shopping with fellow bridesmaid Charli and preparing food and, um, other things, for the party Saturday. Tomorrow, I'll be heading out to West End to attend a dress fitting-YAY!
How cute will we be in these tanks?!
Then Saturday is MY big day! Since Nicole asked me to be the MOH, I have felt compelled to give her the most amazing and fun "last fling" she could ever imagine. I'm trying not to hype it up too much in my mind so it doesn't have such high expectations to live up to, but seriously. That's really hard not to do! Aside from it being Nicole's last night out as a free woman, it will also be the first time the Fab Five (Nicole, Julie, Jessie, Charli, and myself) have all been together in a REAAAAAALY long time. So how can that not be epic?!? I won't divulge the plans, just in case we get a little crazy HA, but I will tell you that we will be painting the town pink!
I've said it before and I will say it again, I am so honored to be a part of Nicole's special day and all the events leading up to it. She has gone out of her way to include me and to welcome me to any and all events, big or small. Her family has been so kind to me and accepting. I just can't tell you how important that is to me.
15 days and counting!!
9.29.2010
Ugggoooohh-prah!
I'm not really sure how this is gonna turn out. I've been watching Oprah regularly this season for the first time in my life-better late than never I always say. And I'm torn. You see, I've always thought so highly of her. She started with nothing and moved her way to the top. She's worked hard and given so many women a role model and inspiration. But as I've been watching this season, I find myself annoyed and angry. Does being a multi-millionaire mean that you know EVERYTHING? Cause it sure seems like Oprah thinks so.
I appreciate the attention Oprah has drawn to our education systems throughout the US, however, it seems to me that she is vilifying public schools and public school teachers. She is all for charter schools, which in my opinion, are a waste of resources. Today, I watched the episode with Tony Danza and his "second career" as a 10th Grade English teacher in Philadelphia (this is a whole different story of something I'm torn on, but we'll skip that for now). Tony was telling how hard it is to teach. Oprah, of course, started talking about bad teachers this and that. What I don't think she realizes is TEACHING IS NOT EASY! A lot of people, Oprah included, feel like any-ole-body could walk into a classroom and just start teaching kids how to divide and multiply. This assumption, my friends, is wrong. And because Oprah is on national television GLORIFYING IT, people all over America who don't have the sense to think for themselves are gonna believe that too.
Stepping down from soap box now...
Oprah gives advice to people about relationships. Um, did I miss something? Cause last time I checked, she's never been married. And certainly has no children. She gives advice about our national education system. Has she ever worked in a classroom before? And I'm not talking pay to build one, I mean go in and WORK. My thing is, I'm good at baking. I know how to bake and do it quite well if I do say so myself. I could give advice on baking or whip you up something delicious to eat at the word go. So why, WHY I ask, would I start giving advice about, say, brain surgery. Seems a little silly right? Maybe we should remember that when we are taking advice for Oprah or anyone that's a little less than qualified.
I appreciate the attention Oprah has drawn to our education systems throughout the US, however, it seems to me that she is vilifying public schools and public school teachers. She is all for charter schools, which in my opinion, are a waste of resources. Today, I watched the episode with Tony Danza and his "second career" as a 10th Grade English teacher in Philadelphia (this is a whole different story of something I'm torn on, but we'll skip that for now). Tony was telling how hard it is to teach. Oprah, of course, started talking about bad teachers this and that. What I don't think she realizes is TEACHING IS NOT EASY! A lot of people, Oprah included, feel like any-ole-body could walk into a classroom and just start teaching kids how to divide and multiply. This assumption, my friends, is wrong. And because Oprah is on national television GLORIFYING IT, people all over America who don't have the sense to think for themselves are gonna believe that too.
Stepping down from soap box now...
Oprah gives advice to people about relationships. Um, did I miss something? Cause last time I checked, she's never been married. And certainly has no children. She gives advice about our national education system. Has she ever worked in a classroom before? And I'm not talking pay to build one, I mean go in and WORK. My thing is, I'm good at baking. I know how to bake and do it quite well if I do say so myself. I could give advice on baking or whip you up something delicious to eat at the word go. So why, WHY I ask, would I start giving advice about, say, brain surgery. Seems a little silly right? Maybe we should remember that when we are taking advice for Oprah or anyone that's a little less than qualified.
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