Day 23. The Last Person You Kissed

Today is one of the days on the list that I've been dreading. I want to be lame and write about Dalton, since he just gave me some sugar before he went to bed, but I have a feeling that I'll get yelled about by a certain other blogger...so I'll be legit and do it right. UGH...

It's really kind of hard and awkward to write about this guy. I'm not gonna say his name, to protect the not-so innocent, but some of you may just know who I'm referring to. This guy came along at a good time. Jason and I had just broken up for the last time. I was just starting school again. I was kind of at a start over place in my life, and something or someone to take my mind off of all the scary and all the not so great was exactly what I needed. He was someone I knew, but didn't really, you know? We randomly started chatting, then hanging out and talking on a pretty regular basis. He became someone that I looked forward to seeing and really enjoyed talking to and sharing my life with. And me being the idiot that's always trying to make anybody "the one" got pretty invested in the situation.

He made me laugh and smile and feel great about myself. He was fun and hot and very compatible with what I wanted in a guy. We have a lot of the same views on issues that are important to me. He loves his family, but loves his independence too. He could have swooped in and saved the day...but it just didn't work out that way.

The guy was not honest about everything with me. Did he forewarn me that he was a shit head? Yes, yes he did. But then he did things to make me believe he really cared about me. He didn't turn out to be what I wanted him to, to say the least. He tried to blow it off and act like I wasn't a big deal to him and that the whole thing was nothing, but I know what happened. I remember how I felt and how he acted, and you will never convince me that he didn't feel the same to a certain extent. I truly believe that he is just scared. Scared to get serious with a girl again, scared to grow up and be committed, scared to let his guard down. So many times I've wanted to scream at him "I know you care!" but even I'm not THAT crazy. He is the first person I have given a real chance to in a really really long time, and he pretty much screwed me over. I'm not gonna lie, it hurts.

He gave me my love of firemen. He made me like to cuddle maybe a little bit :) He gave me confidence. And he helped me get through a rut when I needed to badly. But as of now, I don't know if the good he did for me outweighed the bad. To Be Announced...