Day 3. Your Parents

This one could be pretty long since I have approximately 1879689734 parents. Ok, not really. My Mom and Dad divorced when I was 12, much to mine and my sister's relief. Both are remarried, or re-remarried...At any rate, I have four awesome parents to help me along the way.

My Mom and I usually don't see eye to eye. We are pretty much polar opposites, and because of that, we've had our ups and downs. But thankfully, as I've gotten older, we have grown closer and have grown to appreciate each other's differences. She is probably the most successful person I know. She started at the bottom of a company, and with lots of hard work, she has worked her way to the top. I'm really proud of her. She's always given me love, whether it be tough love or otherwise, and I really appreciate everything she's done for me and my sister.

Oh Daddy. My Dad and I are a lot alike (hence the issue with my mom perhaps? haha). He knows I'm a free spirit and that I'm a little flighty, but has always just let me be who I am. Daddy has a little problem with tough times. Anytime something bad happens, all Dad knows to do is cook, call you a bajillion times, and tell you he loves you repeatedly. It's really helpful, actually, cause it's good for a laugh. Daddy always loved when friends would come over, a natural born hostess he was. He has prepared many meals for a large amount of the younger population of Robertson County, and has loved every minute of it. Thanks to Daddy for always sticking by me, even when I wasn't making the best choices.

I have two bonus parents, Jim and Brenda. Each have been more than supportive of me and my family. Jim has always treated us as if we were his natural born children. Not once has he referred to me or our family as step anything, always his daughter. I don't think he knows how much that means to me. Brenda, God bless her, had some terrible shoes to fill. She came along right after wife number two, which I will spare you my angry words about, and I can only imagine that maybe we were a little cold at first. But we've grown to know she isn't a maniac and things have been just fine since then!

Thanks to all my parents for being more than amazing to me!

Day 2. Your Crush

I could probably go on for days on this post. I'm a perpetually single girl with absolutely no balls to make any moves on any guy I've ever been interested in. So this crush business? I've got it down pat. Am I probably a little old to have these schoolgirl crushes? Yes. Does it happen anyway? Why, YES!

My current crush is a friend. So I'm not gonna be a creeper and write about him. Instead, I'll share about my old boo, Chase. I worked at Regions Bank in Hendersonville for three years. That's where I met and got to know Chase. He was a great customer that came in almost every morning for some C & C--coffee and conversation. Chase is such a sweetheart and as funny as can be. We got to know each other pretty well during the time, and I developed quite the little crush on him. During this time, we both were seeing someone on and off and often times talked about those people. He is now marrying his someone and I couldn't be happier for him. When I say couldn't be happier, I really mean that I was crushed to hear the news. JK JK haha!

I miss getting to chat it up with Chase and see him on a regular basis. I've forgotten his account number, which of course I had memorized as his personal banker! Best of luck to Chase and Sorelle!

Day 1. Your Best Friend

This should come as no surprise since I've written about her many times before. And it's kind of funny that this post is coming at this time of year. Five years ago, Nicole and I moved into Sevier Hall on Austin Peay's campus knowing of each other, but certainly not knowing each other or being friends. But what I like to think of as fate stepped in and here we are today.

Nicole is one of the most loyal friends I've ever had. She has been there for me during some of the most horrible times in my life. But we have also had more fun than anyone I can think of. She and I have just enough in common to be able to appreciate each other and do things together, but we are enough different to compliment each other's best qualities.

I'm so proud of Nicole's career. She is teaching for her second year at GES and doing an excellent job. She is planning what will be a BEAUTIFUL wedding that I am so excited to be a part of. And somebody, she will have me a precious little baby to spoil and send back home--hopefully not for a while though!

Thanks to my boo, my poopie, and my best friend, Nicole. You're the best!

A Post A Day...

So I've seen this on some other blogs I follow and figure I could try too. Here's the list and here we go!

Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 —Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

Shane.

I've been thinking a lot about Shane lately. I guess it's getting to be that time of year again, so it's just looming on my mind. I've been anticipating a post for the anniversary of his death. I imagine that it will be eloquent and say all the right things, and I will feel relieved after it is written. But the closer it gets, the less sensible words I can come up with, so I'm gonna go ahead and write it now. It's gonna be raw and emotional and probably not anything anyone else will want to read or be able to understand, but here goes...

I can remember that day like it was yesterday. I was in Clarksville at a wedding shower in the ADPi house, visiting with friends, feeling as if all was right with the world. You see, I had been to visit Shane the day before and he was looking better than he had in the time he was at the hospital. They were sure that the worst was over, since he had made it through something most no one else survives. So I felt confident that I could go and do my own thing for a few hours, then head straight to the hospital afterwards, but I was wrong. I remember looking at my phone that had been in my purse during the party and seeing that mom had called and left a voicemail. Also, Dad had called. As I was listening to the voicemail standing in the kitchen next to Nicole, I noticed that Dad was calling her now. I immediately knew that something was wrong and started to panic. God Bless Nicole. The poor thing had to deliver the bad news to me and then deal with me as I waited for Daddy to come pick me up to get to the hospital where the rest of my family was waiting. This kind of news is something a best friend should never have to share, but she did and was there for me as I cried and I'll never forget her for that.

The ride from Clarksville to St. Thomas seemed to go by in a flash. I just sat there, stunned, and waiting for reality to set in. The hospital was a blur. I remember being there, seeing him or what was left of him, and wanting a cigarette like I wanted my life--this last desire continued until after we buried him. We finally went home to Aunt Deana and his house where we were greeted by an outpouring of supportive friends and community members. Lots of kids came to be there for Treavor and Whitley. I remember booking Josh's plane home from Cleveland and wishing he could be there sooner. And that's about it for that day. I'm sure there was a lot more to it, but that's all I got.

Monday held shopping for Treavor and I. Thank God for Cynthia Elder, who found the two of us staring into a wall full of men's shirts, neither knowing how the heck to choose. She helped us find the right one, then pants, and of course shared a sweet word with us like she always does. We made a few other stops, then I guess we headed home. I don't really remember much else from that day though. While Treav and I were gone, they made the arrangements I guess. We'd be there Tuesday pretty much all day and the funeral on Wednesday. I guess it was on this day that Aunt Deana asked me to sing at the funeral. I wish now more than anything that I could/would have done it. Shane did so much for me, singing a hymn at the funeral was the least I could do for him. But I couldn't do it, I decided to read instead.

From the time word got out on Sunday until weeks after we buried him, our family received so many nice words about Shane. He ran a website about Greenbrier football, and there was an outpouring of sympathy and prayers and everything you could imagine from members of our community and so many others. I think this is a true testament to the man that he was. Somebody that really touched so many.

Tuesday came and went. We spent a lot of the day at the funeral home, or so it seemed. Josh finally made it in, trademark black eye and all, and it was the first time we could all be together as a complete family. That was the only thing I wanted then. My whole family. Right there with us. If we could have all slept in the same room, all gazillion of us, I would have been just fine with that. It was like I didn't want to let any of them out of my sight cause I was afraid I would miss something with them like I had with Shane.

D-Day was finally upon us on Wednesday. With the help of Buddy the Elf and certainly the watching hand of Shane and God, I said a few things and read some particularly nice posts we found on various websites. Anyone that knows me knows that I've never had any trouble speaking--about anything. But I was really beyond nervous to speak then. I wanted to convey the love I had for Shane without being a mess standing in front of hundreds of people. It was a little shaky at first, but I made it through and am so glad I got that chance. The grave side was probably the worst part for me. Up until then, Shane was still "there" meaning, I could still look at him. I could see his face and put Buddy in his pocket and pretend he was still there. Putting him in the ground, though, meant that it was really over. That it was all really happening and that pretty soon he would really, really be gone. Ugh. It was absolutely terrible.

Like I said at the service, Shane was the best man. He took an interest in so many kids that he didn't have to, including me. I was 18 when he and my aunt started dating. Most men wouldn't take in some 18 year old kid to go on date nights and spend every Friday night with and take on trips or to concerts or do any of the things he did with me. But Shane did, like it was natural, like it was the only normal thing to do. And for that I'll always love him. He was good to me, good to my family, and good to my aunt. I find myself thinking that Shane would love that or that I sure do wish he was here for this. I know that he hates missing all these times as much as we miss him here.

Anyway, that's that. I hope it's somewhat readable and understandable. If it's not, the main point is that I miss him. I love him. And I wish he was still here.

I'm Alive, I Promise.

Where do I begin?!

Since I last blogged, a LOT has happened. I also have some other updates that I haven't been writing about, so bear with me. This might be a long one.

So Ross left us. Sad day there. Last Wednesday, I had Ross and his family along with some of my family over for a little farewell dinner. Which was delicious, if I do say so myself. Aside from the excellent meal, we had a really nice time visiting with each other's families (which, really, is just one big chosen family). He got a few little last minute gifts, including this picture in a frame and an umbrella with a little note from me saying "These are two things that you don't realize you need until you don't have them." I remember moving to school, and even though I was only 45 minutes away, I missed my family. Don't get me wrong, I had a GREAT time, but it was still sad. I hope that Ross loves every minute of his time in Knoxville, but I also hope that he always remembers where his family is! I'm going to Knoxville for Labor Day Weekend, and I cannot wait to see him!!

Along the same lines (kinda), I've been cooking a lot lately. I've cooked dinner for my parents and for friends for the past two weeks, and I have to say, I really have enjoyed it. I've been trying different recipes, all from the Weight Watchers website. Some have been delicious and some have been ok. Either way, I like being able to contribute and help out. So I think it's something that I'll continue with.

CLASS IS OVER!!! WOOHOO!! I finished up summer classes on Friday. Thank the good Lord. So I am officially on summer break--for two weeks. I know it's short, but I'm trying to make the most of it. So far I've vacationed, cleaned my room a little (a very little), started redecorating my bathroom, and relaxed. It's been very nice, and I really wish it could last longer!!

Vacation. Yes. My family left for Tybee Island last Wednesday, but since I had to finish up summer class, I flew down to meet them on Friday afternoon. First off, let me just say I love traveling alone. It was really nice to just get to have some alone time to think about stuff, to read, and to people watch and drink in the airport. Yes, that's right, drink. Look, don't judge me. My official summer had just begun. So of course I had a few cocktails, or four, on the way to Tybee. What the heck else was I supposed to do on vacation!? At any rate, I arrived in Savannah around 7 Friday evening, and the fun began! We went to dinner and had a WONDERFUL meal.Played cards and had family time on Friday evening. We woke up (really freaking early I might add) on Saturday morning to a tasty breakfast and made ready for family photo time on the beach. This was the first time we've made pictures as a fam since Dalton was born. I think they turned out really well and we had a great time taking them. Also, during this time, we learned that Jeremy has another calling in life as a photographer. hahaha. After photos were over, it was beach time! Not sure how many people have been to Tybee Island. It was a beautiful beach, but the water is, well, it's dirty looking. When I say dirty, I don't mean that there was actually stuff in it, but I couldn't see my feet. Therefore, I did most of my beach chillin' on the sand. I took a lovely and much needed nap. Dug in the sand a little bit with Dalton. People watched and lusted after a group of Georgia Hotties. Overall, it was a good time.We had another delicious meal, did some sight seeing on Sunday morning in Savannah--fell in love with Savannah and began planning my destination wedding there IMMEDIATELY!--and headed back to good ole Tennessee. It was really kind of odd. I think it's the first long term road trip that I've taken with my sister that was completely pleasant. What a nice change of pace!

In other news, I posted like a month ago about my weight loss journey. So far, it's going alright. As of today, I've lost about six pounds. Not an overwhelming amount, but good enough since I vacationed AND had exams during that time. I've been cooking as I said earlier, and I think that is really gonna help expedite the process since I'm not eating out as much. Also, the whole not eating out thing is helping my wallet get fatter! Who knew! I've been doing Zumba/PiYo on Monday nights with Sister and Allison. It's a nice workout and nice bonding time for us!

Well, I think that's just about everything. I also think you all are probably tired of reading this dang book. Sorry for the hiatus!

But I won't like it...

You know how sometimes you have to do stuff that you really just don't want to? Well it seems like that's a recurring theme in my life these days.

School is and forever will be a burden. I hate every single minute of going to class, and really more than anything in the world would just like to start my career and get on with my life. I hate feeling this way, because I know I have my whole life to work, but dang! Let's get this party started already!

There are other, more personal things, that I've come to realize I must handle in ways that I don't necessarily want to. Ever feel like that? You want to do something but know you NEED to do something else? Totally sucks. But in the proverbial end, I know it will pay off and that I'm making the right choice.

Sometimes, I wish I would be shown that I was wrong for doing what I need to do instead of what I want to, especially in this instance. Second guessing is not something I like doing, but IS something I find myself doing with every major decision I make. I hope that this is normal and have an inkling that it is. But there's always that chance.

So for now, I'll do it. But I certainly won't like it.

Where Has the Time Gone?

Ok, so I've had the busiest week EVER it feels like. School is coming to a close for the summer, I had cupcake orders (Woohoo!). Stayed with Whitley one night and kept Dalton one afternoon. Baby shower on Saturday. Went to church today and met my favorite twin boys for the first time. Whew. I'm tired just writing about it all!

As you can see from the photos, Dalton REALLY enjoyed helping aunt Kayla clean the batter off the spatula. He was a little leery at first, but got the hang out it real quick!

Luckily, after this week I'll have a little (very little) time off of school to relax and chill out. Friday I leave to meet the fam in Tybee Island, Georgia for a mini vacay. I'm excited to be on the beach for a hot second and to get the heck out of Robertson County for a few nights.


Among my busy week, I made time to invite myself to dinner at my grandparent's house several times, and when I say several, I mean three. That's right. I invited myself to eat, spur of the moment, THREE times this week. Are they not the best? Really and truly, I have what is quite possibly the best grandparents and in turn family on the face of the earth.
Not every granddaughter gets to grow up staying at her grandparents house. Myself, my sister and some of my cousins were lucky enough to never have to go to day care. Instead we got to hang out with each other and spend time with my grandma all day long. Both my grandparents are relatively young, especially to have several grown grandchildren. So not only did I get to spend time with them as a child, but I can now enjoy them as an adult. They come to parties and dress up. They host a huge Fourth of July extravaganza for our family every year. They even came with us for my 21st birthday weekend in Metropolis.



Most importantly, my grandparents have given me and my cousins a great example of love to live up to. They have been married for 47 years. They've been through hard times, good times, sad times, pretty much anything you can imagine, they've done it. For Christmas this year, the Cousin Club found a wall hanging that pretty much summed up what Maw and Papaw have done for us. It said "All Because Two People Fell In Love" and each of the seven of us signed the back with a little message about how much they mean to us. And really, the words couldn't have been any more true. Without them, our family would be nothing. They were the beginning of it and continue to be the backbone, pulling us together for the good and the bad. Hopefully, I will be getting married on their 50 wedding anniversary in 2013 as a tribute to the example they've been for me. I'm so thankful to have them now and forever!

P.S. I would like to add that Papaw is NOT a cross-dresser, well, usually he isn't. That's the only good picture I have of him and it's from a Halloween Party.

Shameless Plug...

So here I am shamelessly plugging my NEW website and business, Sweetness Cupcakes! I'd love to be a part of your special day!!!

Kids. Kids! Kids?

So I'm not really sure why, but I've been thinking about my possibility as a parent lately. I guess I'm getting to an acceptable age to be a parent these days. Most people that are my age are already parents or gonna be parents very soon. Or at least it seems like it to me. I've never been 100% sure that I ever want to be a parent though. I know each and every one of you just gasped in horror. I'm from the south, I'm young and able, and I MIGHT NOT WANT KIDS?!? Awful, I know.

I used to think that I didn't like kids. They made me real nervous to be around. And the fact that I might have to sacrifice MYSELF for another human? HA yeah I didn't think so. But now that I'm an older sister and aunt and way fun older cousin, I see that I am maybe a little more nurturing and maternal that I had given myself credit for. I love spending time with Dalton, and I think he likes me. And hearing Gage tell me he misses me and loves his Kayla just melts my heart. I like being able to share the wonder that is Baskin Robbins with Hunter and to take Abby and Belle to see a movie and have Giggle-Fest 2010 in the back of my car. I like those things. But is that really mom-material?

I don't really know why I have become consumed by this thought. I have no boyfriend, so I'm certainly not getting married anytime soon. I know I know, you don't have to be married to have a baby, but I hope to be. And maybe someday I'll meet some wonderful man that makes me want to immediately procreate. Who knows! I just am not sure that I'll be a great mom. I think some people were born to be mothers. My sister is definitely one of those people. She always tried to take care of me (Read: Boss me, haha) and when she started trying to have a baby, I knew that once she did, she would take the mom cake, so to speak. And indeed, I was right. She is so patient with Dalton. She knows just what to do when something is wrong, or when he needs something, anytime! I just don't know that I will EVER be like that. People always tell me when it's your own kid its different. And even with Dalton, as I've said before, I've done things I never DREAMED I would do just instinctively. It still just freaks me out to know that I would be solely responsible for another being.

I guess for now I really don't have to know. As I said, I have no boyfriend or intention to marry anytime soon, so I have a little time to work things out. I'll just stick to being an awesome aunt, sister and cousin, which I have on lock if I do say so myself.

Thanks for reading. :)